i was excited to play basketball today. it feels good to be able to play again. kinda sucks that i still have to be cautious about it but im just glad that im not a gimp anymore. or at least not too gimpish.

im reading a book for my decal class called "Let Your Life Speak" by parker palmer. it said some interesting things:

"This kind of love does not reflect the "functional atheism" we sometimes practice - saying pious words about God's presence in our lives but believing, on the contrary, that nothing good is going to happen unless we make it happen."

"I started to understand that I had been living an ungrounded life, living at an altitude that was inherently unsafe. The problem with living at high altitude is simple: when we slip, as we always do, we have a long, long way to fall, and the landing may well kill us. The grace of being pressed down to the ground is also simple: when we slip and fall, it is usually not fatal, and we can get back up."

this stuff just caught my attention.

its been a full 4 weeks and a few days since ive sprained my ankle. ive been waiting to play softball for like 5 weeks cuz our first game got cancelled. i was excited to play again cept the other team had to forfeit the stankin game. we got to scrimmage but it just wasnt the same. there was a very large turnout of people though. i was surprised but then i quickly realized that there are just too many dang good lookin people that bring the fans out.

went to the library at 12:30. i read for half an hr and then slept for the next hr. im so weak when it comes to studying. i think its pretty pitiful. im stankin tired.

i think i broke my neck on the ride back from retreat. i shouldnt have riden in the back of the bus on top of all the luggage and sleeping bags.

i hit my foot against some books like 30 sec ago. it hurt like stankin mad. i dunno why but i just wanted to write this. i always run into crap.

i got these 2 zits, kinda on the sides of my head. theyre both at the edge of my eyebrows, kinda hidden. theyre kinda big and they hurt. everytime i squint they push into my head and it feels like a migrain.

Chubs4JC: your mine for life yo
Chubs4JC: lol
eshin116: AHHHHHHH
Chubs4JC: poor eugene
Chubs4JC: he's sooo flustered by love

Chubs4JC: i got first dibs on eugene shin

i always think that theres a good chance that i did well on my midterms. i sometimes think what if i got an A even though i only studied for like an hr for the midterm. then i get it back and i get humbled again.

"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:23-25
we are a bunch of morons for forgetting what we look like.

one of the freshmen in my small group has a yuj pimpin on him so hard. i aint even joking. first, she lets him drive her porshe. how gangsta is that. second, they drive around for 4 stankin hrs. third, she teaches him how to swing a golf club at the driving range. oh shmeezy. fourth, her parents treat him to a french restaurant. all of that in one day. game ova.

"three things we pray:
to love thee more dearly,
to see thee more clearly,
to be w/ thee more nearly,
day by day by day....by day."

i think its pretty funny that andy and nancy are responding to each other through their blogs.

i went ova to charles pad cuz he was bored. i told andy to come but he said that he was "too busy". me and chuck came back to my pad to find andy w/ a million IM boxes open. guess andy is "too busy PIMPIN"...

im an idiot. i cant add....i slept 17 hrs.

i got confirmed. i dunno how to feel bout it. guess only time will tell.

got home after church and awana and i crashed at like 6pm. woke up at 11am. 18 hrs, no joke.
i missed the guys lose to the eastbay team in softball. but i feel good tho.

kind of a lot happened today. but i hate recapping stuff, so imma just point out a few things:

i passed my confirmation interview. imma get confirmed in like 7 hrs or so. dang, i need sleep. but ya, taryn got asked some gangsta questions, she kinda got jacked but she did well. i was impressed.

oh, and before i we went to the interview we went to the jcrew store and taryn was napping in the back of the car while me and dennis were searching for the store. it took us forevs to find it cuz we got lost but we finally found it but there was no parking. all of a sudden i see i person walking to the car next to us so i back up. this car from way back that was chillin there for a long time comes up and starts honking at me like mad. he was claiming ownership of the parking spot. i couldnt believe it. he was so stankin far, he was basically trying to reserve the next spot in that whole row of like 30 spots. i was confoozed and pissed. but i decided that the hassle wasnt worth it, i should just let the chump have the stankin spot, i gave up my pride. but i did circle around and i did my own honking at him.

marg cho was surprisingly very funny. i went to a comedy club and saw her standup. she says a lot of vulgar things but most of it was pretty hilarious. there were some things that went right over my head but i still enjoyed it. there was this one part where she started talking bout how when she was younger she had no glue. i knew what was coming next. me and nancy called it too. she said her mom just told her to use rice. only korean moms would think to use bop as glue.

oh ya, saw some high school friends today that came up to watch the football game. it was fun talking and reminiscing w/ em. i must sleep now.

i realized how many scratches my car has today cuz i finally washed it. my baby is getting jacked up.

i need change in my life. gosh, i think ive heard this 50 billion times from myself but its so stankin true. what needs to happen in order for me to make drastic changes? i dont even know what i need to change though. actually, first thing that comes to mind is my study habits. but even that i feel is so trivial. thinking bout this brings me back to one of my journal entries from missions. i remember that i always need to pray more and read God's word more. it always comes back to that. if i was doing those 2 things well then things would be so much better. those are always the clique answers but its so true. if were struggling w/ pride then we need to pray and read God's word. if were struggling w/ lust then we need to pray and read the bible. when were tired we should pray and read the bible. if we got nothing to do we should pray and read the word.

and this topic of praying reminds me of the friday prayer meeting. it was pretty discouraging to see so few people show up. i thought w/ the time change that many more people would come. but everyone seems to be "busy" doing something. but the encouraging thing was that there were a lot of brothers were there. usually its the sisters that are the "holy-er" ones in college. this is generally speaking of course. i wonder what things would be like if like half of our ministry got together and prayed on a regular basis. its amazing how God still blesses us despite our lack of faith in prayer. if we really really had faith in prayer then i think all of us would be praying more. its only when things are bad that we start praying. and then we get content w/ our lives til the next problem comes along and then the cycle repeats. too many of us are content. we all need to change.

so relieved to be done. "dang it feels good to be a gangsta..."
i did a ridicurous amount of nothing today. it was nice.

14 hrs til midterm.
0 hrs of studying done.
i need my mom around to scold me.

20 hrs til next midterm.
0 hrs of studying done.
probably will have to hit up dennys again.

so im wasting my friggin time on blog instead of cramming cuz i have a story to tell. i was just eating this gimongous apple while studying at the kitchen table. i got a chunk of apple stuck in my teeth so i pissed/sad. but then i realized that the toothpicks were right next to me and i was like "yeah baby." but i tried the toothpick and then it snapped. got pissed/sad again cuz i had to get up to go get some floss. andy interpreted it another way. he was in the other room and thought that i had dropped the apple and got sad initially but got happy cuz i didnt have to eat the rest of it.

45 min til midterm and i feel like i have even less knowledge than 13 hrs ago.

13.5 hrs til midterm.
0 hrs of studying done.
hakuna matata.

i was heading over to the library so i asked andy if he wanted to go w/ me. he said "naw, i gotta do some research." i looked over at his computer screen and see 4 IM boxes blinking. and yes, they were all yujs. let me know the results of your research andy.

kevin said something funny in small group today. we were talking bout man and woman in genesis chapter 1 and 2. kevin asked bout the passage where it says man will be joined w/ woman and they will become one flesh. so kevin asked, "so does that mean we're like each just half and together we're one?" that guy cracks me up.

i was on sproul walking home and this guy near me ripped a huge fart. i was the only one around to hear it but he kept on walking like nothing happened. that fart made me laugh.

i was walking home from class w/ becky and the subject of shaking hands was brought up. she offered her left hand towards me and i told her that it was an insult, especially in certain countries. right then we ran into danny yoon and we shook hands. he took off and she goes, "ohh...you shook w/ ur left hand." i was like "what the freezy? i used my right." she said, "u used that hand" while pointing to my right. i held it up for her til she realized it. she got all embarrased and hit her head against a parking sign. then she got even more embarrased.

been trying to read for an hr. im so bout to pass out. my body cant hang like it did freshman yr. man, i hate how i do this same crap everytime. i feel like ill never learn. i feel like its something that ill always struggle with.....oh man, i just dozed off for a few min there.

3am.
page 0.
10hrs left.
story of my life.

happy belated bday CIA. i was hanging out w/ some of the eastbay guys after the bday dinner. they crack me up. nathan is one weird foo, i love it. i wonder where he got his humor from. haha, it makes me laugh just thinking bout him.

i think i just wrote another bad paper. it probably ranks in the top 25 of the worst papers ive written. or i guess that would be bottom 25? imma hate it when i gotta do college writing again next semester. speaking of next semester, cant believe my telebears is in november. i always get the worst telebears.

grace made me realize that when you pray for someone, it means a lot. it shows how much you really care for them, how much you really love them.

played mafia. usually someone says "ill be mediator" or "ill be moderator" or whatevs u wanna call it. kwansoo said, "ill be godfather."

went to 3 outa 4 classes today. im bout to pass out. crutches suck big time. you go twice as slow as everyone else. they make ur armpits sore. ur other ankle dies cuz it takes all the pressure. and it doesnt help that my good foot has 2 nasty corns on it. and its the worse when people dont even hold the doors for u, they dont turn around but just let the door slam right on you. i cant believe how unbelievably behind i am. i walk into 2 classes after missing a week to hear them talking about midterms. i really wish i could just take a semester off.

we discussed the power rankings for the top guys in the class....here is the top 5.....

1. andy "#1 for life" chon
2. john "wow hes good lookin" song
3. kwansoo "the sniper" jun
4. eug "too huge" shin
5. roymund "pretty boy" chung

a lot of different criteria is involved in this ranking system. i cant just give you a formula to figure this stuff out cuz how are you supposed to weigh in andys cooking skills against huges superior intellect? is height more important than looks and to what degree? this was a difficult list to process but someones gotta do it, so here it is. imma call it now: after the single yujs graduate college and are in the working world its gonna hit them like when ya sit on a cold toilet seat in the morning...they gonna realize how stankin good they had it in college and especially in our ministry. forills, they may say, "they arent THAT good looking" or "our personalities dont match" or whatevs, but they shall see in due time. they shall see...

almost forgot....went to macaroni grill on sat for pablos bday w/ a bunch of people....

roach: dude, they should have like a never ending pasta bowl.
kwansoo: they do, its called olive garden roach.

people didnt seem to be into the praise portion of worship today. maybe im the only one that feels that way but the Spirit felt very weak today. shouldnt our hearts be filled w/ rejoicing? shouldnt we be on our knees in awe and reverance? why did service feel so dead today? are we just going through the motions? i felt discouraged by those around me. maybe i shouldnt be influenced that way but thats just how it is for me. if people are going all crazy and buckwild then i aint gonna just sit around w/ my hands in my pockets. but if people are just standing there like zombies then i aint gonna wanna prance around in circles by myself. man, i really think that something needs to change.

helped out w/ nursery today and i was assigned a lil boy named daniel. his dad dropped him off there and he started bawling like mad. he got so upset that he started hitting himself on the head! haha, i couldnt believe that he was trying to hurt himself, i just that was hilarious. of course i grabbed his hand to stop him from doing it. but he was persistent and kept trying to do it. funny stuff.

andy is a pimp while billy is a gimp.

BKU9: dang,y cant i be like andy
s n o b unnynk: cuz andy's hot

nothing but the truth....

andy just tried to sneak out of the house w/out letting me and pablo know. we saw him grab his backpack and start walking out and i was thinking, "oh, hes stepping out." and then it hit me, hes stepping out? we caught him in the act of sneaking outa our pad to go study w/ some yuj. pimpnesses.

decided to go to absk for friday night. just wanted to check them out, neva been to their fellowship. and i heard both good and bad things bout them but i wanted to see for myself. man, they r pretty stankin big. they totally filled 2050 vlsb. a lot of things about their ministry caught my attention. first, their jubo is in color and on stankin nice paper. and they had a lot of good information on it too. second, they have a lot of staff. i mustve seen at least 6 people that werent current undergrad students. i heard they got like 20 or so staff. now i think thats what totally helps their ministry; a lot of leadership. third, their praise was interesting. it wasnt all that spectacular or anything but it seemed pretty normal. i heard drum beats but i didnt see any drums at all. i think they used some kinda synthesizer to make the beats. so i think they mixed in that music w/ the praise team.

what made things kinda awkward was when i saw the freshman john walk in right next to me. he said wassup and sat down next to me. he asked me what i was doing there and i think i did a good job of explaining; i said i just wanted to see the structure of their ministry (hopefully i would be able to borrow good ideas from them) and that i wanted to have some sorta experience w/ them if i was gonna refer someone to that fellowship. hopefully he wasnt stumbled by me. but woe to him if he judges me cuz of that, haha.

went to dennys w/ john, roach, and roymund again. didnt get any studying done as usual. this time we played cards tho. played pisoy (i have no idea how to spell it) for punishment. roymund ended up eating some bbq sauce and some ketchup. and oh man is ketchup nasty. next time u go to like in n out, just try eating one of those lil cups of ketchup by itself. its stankin nasty. roymund looked so funny when he was eating it. all of us couldnt help bust up laughing. i hope we look back at these times at dennys as fond memories.

got acupuncture today. it was weird. they stuck needles in me, that was expected. but then they hooked up some wires to the needles and it gave me some electric shocks. it didnt really hurt but it was so stankin weird. i didnt like my muscles pulsating so much. and it was at this dude's pad at like 10pm. but whatevs, i think it went ok, hopefully ill recover quicker.

im scared for next year when the people in my class will be leaders. its already crazy that people back at my home church are in some sorta leadership position. but i havent been around there to see what theyre doing and how theyve grown. but w/ the ppl here its hard to imagine us as "spiritual" leaders. like i think ppl can do certain tasks and they can get things done right but i dunno how spiritually mature we are. someone pointed it out to me and i agree that our class in general thinks that were more spiritually mature than we really are. i hope that ppl come around and start taking some action.

i forgot bout this....john song picked me up for the teacher conference on sat. we were right at the toll booths and some lady cut him off. john was pretty pissed but he let it go. then when we get to the toll booth the money collector said that the person ahead already paid for us. we were all like, "what the heck?" now john will tell ya its cuz the lady was sorry that she cut us off but dont let him fool ya. i think that lady took a look in the rearview mirror and said "WOW! i cant believe i cut HIM off!"

6 weeks.....went to tang center and thats what the doc told me. 6 weeks til ill be playing basketball again. i never really understood how it felt to be on the "injured list." but man does it suck. athletes must go through so much emotional stress when theyre hurt. i thought i had it bad yesterday. now its worse. but my situation really isnt that bad. tore some ligaments but so what. basically i just need to rest for 6 weeks, and do some rehab. but others out there will have to wait longer or never play again. they cant do certain things. they cant even do normal things.

i feel like i have to trust God even more during these times. like even the lil simple things like taking a pee and changing pants becomes difficult for me. and when i shower im only standing on one foot so im scared of slipping and knocking open my head on the bathtub faucet.

im thankful that ill be able to walk and drive again soon but i still feel like im getting jacked. but the only things that i wont be able to do r basketball and softball. but i was so looking forward to those things. now im stuck w/ sitting at home and catching up on reading.

if you guys are reading this then pray for me. not for physical healing, cuz thats gonna happen anyway. but pray that i would really learn something valuable from this, that i would grow closer to God through this, and that i would do as it says in 1 thessalonians 5:16-18.

sigh, i dunno what to say. being on crutches sucks. its stankin hard to get around. and its ku that everyones being nice and theyre willing to help but id just rather do things on my own. like how come all of a sudden people get even nicer cuz im hurt? like how come ppl arent this way all the time? it takes some misfortune of mine for ppl to become a lil more compassionate. but i think im the same way too.

im really proud of my softball team. we was up 9-0 til the last half inning. but i was still scared. and oh man, when they scored 2 and they had 0 outs i was nervous for my team. but they held on 9-5. i was really happy for the team but at the same time i was stankin sad. sigh. and i knew that if we won that they would say the win was for me. but they didnt say it before the game started. now if they had said it before the game started then i wouldve been touched.

man, whatevs, i dunno what to say or how to feel. God is teaching me something, i just dunno what.

sprained my ankle at the rsf today. im so sad. landed on some stupid somamas foot. i feel like such a gimp. i cant believe imma miss basketball and softball IM's. oh, im really really sad. its so hard to be thankful right now in the kinda situation. but it says to be "thankful under all circumstances." im thankful that i still have my health, even though my ankle aint healthy. sigh. i got nothing to do. im doing my soc reading on a friday night. how sad.

i stubbed my toe again this morning. andy was leaving for class and told me to wake up and so i did and i walked right into the wheel of paul's bed again. my feet are already jacked up enuf. theyre flat as pancakes, 2 toenails have fallen off, my pinky toes are jiggity jacked, i have callouses all ova and i got 2 corns on the bottom of my right foot that hurt. i would not want to be a podiatrist.

oh so stankin tired. i think i read for bout almost 3 hrs today and now im dying. like literally imma pass out. so i got a paper due today. havent started it. havent finished the reading yet. i think i still have like 150 pages of reading left. plus i gotta get magazine and newspaper sources. dang, 6 pgs. and then i have a 4 pager due on friday. y do i always do this to myself.

a couple days ago i set a new record for myself for most wipes after taking a ddong. i think i wiped bout 30 times. literally. i kept wiping and wiping and i kept on seeing stuff. i think the guy in the stall next to me was probably thinking, "what the heck? how many times is this guy gonna wipe?"

a jumper cable is a very useful item that many people dont have. go out and buy one. thats what i did today.

ive come to realize that almost every single person in my life has told me to study more or study harder or just plain old study at all. today a somewhat of a stranger said (indirectly) that i should put more effort into studying. was this God the whole time commanding me to do something? i dunno if it was. but if it was God, then ive been disobeying Him for a stankin long time. forgive me God. its time for me to start making some changes in my life. i cant guarantee that imma study 6 hrs a night or anything like that but im making a committment to studying more and trying harder than i have been.

roach said this: "##-##% of berkeley girls are ugly." use ur imagination and fill in the numbers. all im saying is gangsta stats.

oh so sad.....i think our whole softball team was heart broken when we found out there were no lights at the place formerly known as kleeburger. everyone one of us was so looking forward to our first game of the season. well just have to tear it up tomorrow in basketball. oh so disappointed. stankin lights.

im finally on my own friggin computer. wow, its been like half a yr since ive had my own computer. 6 stankin months. i really like it, i have so much memory, 80 gigs. it looks just like andys. now i can finally do some video editing.

its almost 3am and i gotta wake up for 8am prayer meeting. sigh. but it wasnt really time wasted cuz i was helping someone move. got to hang out w/ the older guys a bit: chris yoo, mike, phil, lewis. those guys r pretty cool, they crack me up w/ some of the things they do and say. i wonder if me and my friends r gonna be like that. i think were all gonna get bellys like them. i think im starting to get mine. i should play basketball more often. and stop eating big portions and stop eating late at night. dang, i still have so much stankin reading to do. sku stil sux.

went to dennys w/ roach, roymund, and john. we had the most unproductive study session ever. but i enjoyed it. but we really wasted so much stankin time. i hate studying.

i got to the library at bout 10:45pm. talked w/ john and rob til 11:30pm. read til midnight. slept til 1:30am. ridiculouses

y does it take me 2 yrs to do laundry. this is ridiculouses. im exhausted from folding. i need to hibernate.

whenevs i plan on reading, it never happens. i think its a curse. or rather a blessing in disguise.

its been a while since ive stayed up this late. bout 5:45am. theres a number of reasons y im up this late. went to library to finally print out my missions testimony thing and then ended up talking w/ anna for a while. i havent chatted w/ her for a while, i forgot how fun it was to chat w/ her. and then i forgot that i still had clothes in the dryer, i think my clothes have been down there for like 12 hrs. im dreading folding up my clothes. i think imma just dump it all on my futon and then just lay in the warm clothes and just crash. haha, i think that would be a funny site. oh, i also read dennis' blog. he wrote a summary of what he did everyday, its pretty funny. i think he told me almost every one of those stories in person. and he mentioned me quite a few times in there. THANKS DENNIS! haha....(hope you got that joke). dang, im stankin tired. i remember i used to do this everyday as a freshman but i cant hang no more. im tired, my body weary.

awana retreat went really well. i think we have some great teachers. man, its too hard trying to organize my thoughts right now. im kinda nervous bout game time. and right after this weekend i gotta catch up on a million pages of reading. i get sad just thinking bout it.

i was feeling kinda crappy today. not exactly sure why. felt kinda depressed for some reason and just a lil overwhelmed. i think i was on the verge of stressing. but jozef came up to berk to visit and he brightened me up a lot. brought me carnitas and told me a bunch of funny stories.

im surprised as to the number of people that still read my blog. i mean it aint that many, but its still a few. maybe its cuz im like the only one who still updates.

9/11 just passed. i think its kinda sad but i really dont have many thoughts on it. have i become to calloused to the things of this world? am i too into my own little world? do i not understand because i didnt go through any special experience? am i just too lazy to care?

what the heck do i do w/ my time? people ask me that question but i never have a good answer for them. i seem to be busy all the time but i can never say how i passed away so much time.

i realize the same stuff over and over again. i think im a retard. like i realized that i need to be more Biblically knowledgable. just a fancy way of saying i need to read the Bible more. and i keep on realizing that time goes stankin fast. then i realize how lazy i am. and after that i realize how much reading i have to do. its the same crap ova and ova again.

i need to be more efficient w/ time. i think almost everyone does. man, y do i gotta read so much. i feel overwhelmed already by how much stuff i gotta read for the semester. i think i just need to read on a consistent basis and then it would become a lot easier. i think ive known this forevs but i just havent practiced it.

dude, yesterday my lower lower back was aching like mad. couldnt figure out what was wrong w/ me. i didnt play any sports or do anything crazy recently. then i just realized today that it was my backpack. i finally put books in it and walked around like mad. i remember it happened to me back in high school on the first day of school. dang, sounds like im turning into a nerd. im actually putting books into my backpack now.

http://home.mindspring.com/~gohmdoree/09.wmv

i had the worst sandwich today. i thought sandwiches could never be bad, like at worst the sandwich would be just aight. i went to bear's lair today and ate at california sensation or whatevs. there was too much going wrong w/ that sandwich. first of all, there was way too much mustard. thats all i tasted, i think they put mustard on both sides of the bread. only need to do one side sir. and then they put on a lot of pickles. like a few is good but no need to put on a dozen. the bread was whack too, it was super hard like rock. and on top of that i paid 30 more cents than i wouldve had i gone to cheese n stuff. i dont think ill go back to that place for a very long time.

i caught a girl picking her nose today. in the middle of lecture a girl was sitting in the way back row and i was standing back there cuz i got to class 30 min late cuz i slept in. but anyway, she kinda looked around to see if anyone was looking her direction, then she kinda pretended to scratch her nose and then she totally dug in to get a bugar. she pulled something out and then looked at it quicky and flicked it away and rubbed her finger on her shirt. i wish someone else was there to see it too.

yesterday i was in lecture and the guy in front of me was really sleepy or something. he kept on dozing off and u would see his head sway over to the side and then right away he would wake up and catch himself. he did this a few times, his head kept dancing. finally one time his head started falling backwards slowly at first and then it gained a grip of momentum and then out of nowhere it went WHAM! right on my desk. he hit it sooo hard and it was soooo stankin loud. i was in shock and i wanted to laugh but he was right in front of me. i think that guy mustve been really embarrassed.

had 4 classes today and i went to all 4 of em. 11am - 5pm w/ a 1 hr break from 2-3pm. but surprisingly class wasnt all THAT bad today. surprisingly it got better and more interesting as the day went on. but i dont wanna jump the gun and say im always gonna go to class or i love school. just today was an aight day. tomorrow shall be even better......only one class baby.

i think its interesting how so many people say "Father God" so many times when they pray.

"Father God thank you Father God for providing for us Father God in every way Father God. Give us strength Father God to depend on you Father God even more Father God. Lord Father God remind us to seek you first Father God in everything that we do Father God."

i think i even do that somewhat. but is it wrong? are we using it too freely? or is it ok to just say it? i remember i never used to say Father God but i remember my brother using it a lot and then one of my bible study teachers used it like mad and a bunch of other people as well. i guess it just catches on the more u hear it from others. but it kinda distracts me when other people use it too much when they pray. is it bad that i get distracted by it? like should the other person not pray like that or should i not be distracted by it? i feel i shouldnt be distracted by it cuz i can change that part myself but i cant really change the other person.

on a different note, i want to think bigger things to God. i think i limit myself in terms of what God can do through me. i always feel that i should have low expectations to start w/ tho. like when i watch a movie, if i have high expectations then im usually disappointed cuz the movie doesnt live up to the hype. but when i have low expectations the movie usually surpasses them and im more pleased. but i feel like it shouldnt be that way when it comes to God. i kinda feel like i should aim higher for Him. i should shoot for the sky cuz its for God. and i guess if i fall short then thats where grace comes in? whatevs, i dunno. i bet the Bible has some answers for me somewhere.

today was only the 3rd day of classes and i missed 3 classes. im not off to a good start.

ive been sleeping pretty stankin early these days. it helps not to have my own computer. but i woke up this morning w/ a crazy sore throat. sore throats really suck. i decided to look up stuff on the internet for ways to relieve my sore throat but it didnt tell me anything new. i just found a few tips and something saying to gargle salt water but i already did that. i also showed it to andy as well cuz i think he just thought it was a myth or something. but now andy is gonna read this and say, "no, thats not what i was thinking fool." i just read ur mind andy.

oh ya, classes suck.

im updating so much less these days. i dunno y its like that. i guess its a combination of a bunch of reasons. i dont really wanna think of all the reasons.

y am i dreading the start of school so much? i guess i really really really dont wanna study. even class is aight, if i just had to go to class and learn from there then that would be great. but the learning doesnt stop when the lecture stops. gotta read and gotta study crap. everything seems so up in the air right now. nothing seems related to anything. i feel like my mind is in a bunch of different places at once. i dont think im even making sense to myself. ugh, i think this is a sign of me being sick of school. cept school hasnt started yet.

i had the perfect carnitas dinner last night. me and john chi split two tacos, a special nachos w/ rice, onions, and cilantro, and two extra large orange bangs. man, that meal was so great. i shall miss carnitas again.

its only 11pm and im dead beat tired. but i gotta do a grip of things since im leaving tomorrow, sigh. how in the world am i gonna wake up early to do stuff. how the heck am i gonna wake up for ba10 at 9 stankin am. im screwed.

got back from retreat. dunno what to say bout it cept that it was good and i got blessed. but i honestly dunno what i learned. hopefully it will hit me soon.

i had my first aim prayer today w/ john song. it was the best aim conversation that ive ever had.

i would elaborate on everything more but im bout to pass out.

i decided to fast today. why today? cuz its the day before retreat. why fast? hmm, cuz i wanna come closer to God and i think fasting does that. it makes us more dependant on Him instead of things of the world like food. i dunno how much one day will affect me, but in the great words of smokey, "you gotta crawl before you walk."

all day ive been craving food. whenever i saw something it looked so good. dang, im so stankin dependant on food. already im thinking of eating carnitas tomorrow.

ive also come across a dilema. i have a bunch of shikheh at my house and so i thought it would be good and a bit healthier to get something other than water. but then i realized that theres lil bits of rice in there. so i was wondering if im compromising too much by drinking it. cuz technically its eating, just eating a tiny bit of rice. but aint like its gonna fill me up or anything. but ya, i just said whatevs and gave in and drank it, trying to drink as lil rice as possible.

this song has been a lot on my mind these days. guess its cuz of the uncertainty of what imma do in the future. but even tho the song talks bout that uncertainty, it still comforts me somehow in a strange way.

chris rice - power of a moment (only part of it)

What am I gonna be when I grow up?
How am I gonna make my mark in history?
And what are they gonna write about me when I'm gone?
These are the questions that shape the way I think about what matters
Well I have no guarantee of my next heartbeat
My world's too big to make a name for myself
And what if no one wants to read about me when I'm gone?
It seems to me that
Right now's the only moment that matters

You know the number of my days
So come paint Your pictures on the canvas of my head and
Come write Your wisdom on my heart
Teach me the power of a moment
The power of a moment
The power of a moment

i would listen to korean songs if i understood what they were saying. i wanna get better at korean but i think the only way to do that would be to go to korea for a few years. i dont think thatll happen in my future tho. maybe i should go through the 10 and 100 series at cal, that would be gangsta. i dont think id pass.

i waste too much time doing nothing. i should use that time to pray. my prayer life is so stankin weak.

http://www.jhu.edu/~newslett/03-29-01/News/a15.html

"The top ranked school for women was University of Texas at Austin, while the school earning the unlucky No. 300 was The University of California at Berkeley."

how sad....

i havent been getting enough sleep for the past week. ive been really really sleep deprived. but somehow my body is still surviving. ive had late night talks for the past 4 nights. man, its nice having nothing to worry bout for the next day. imma really hate it when school starts. how in the world im i gonna study, God help me.

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch youself, or you also may be tempted." Galatians 6:1
"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:10

been gone for a while again. went to fresno and was a counselor for a youth group retreat. i think some of us counselors were blessed more than the students there. man, it was so much of a blessing to be at that retreat. and hanging out w/ all of the counselors really made me love all of them more. theyre really a great bunch, and i think God has special plans for each one of them. i was a joy just staying up late w/ them and talking bout so many different things. and then last night stayed up way late again talking w/ andy, was nice catching up w/ him.

man, i feel like so much has happened this past week. but it also went by so stankin fast. same thing w/ this summer, so much stuff i got to experience but at the same time it flew by like crazy. i want to put into words what happened this summer but i dont think i will be able to. i just pray that God would ingrain into my head the things that happened, the things that ive learned, and the things that He's convicted me of.

during bible study i got put on the spot bout my missions trip. i was lost but somehow i managed to say something decent i think. its hard to figure out what to say and how much to say. like everyone asks, "how was missions?" and i dunno how to respond. r they just asking for the sake of asking? do they just wanna hear if it was good or bad? or do they really wanna know every single lil detail. some people just want to hear a lil but thats so hard cuz u kinda have to tell a lot, u cant really just tell part of it cuz its not complete. man, i need to just finish my stankin testimony and give that out.

a grip of people came back this past week from their summer mission trip. it seems like theres a lot more people doing summer missions this year. i pray that this would not just be a random year of lotsa people going on short term missions, but rather i pray that God would be bringing a revival. i remember a retreat, i think it was last summer, where pastor david park spoke. it wasnt your average retreat, there was something different bout it. i couldnt tell exactly what it was, but i felt something special. and i know that there were others that sensed something abnormal. i remember robin saying, "i think that God's gonna do something crazy." for a while i was waiting for something to change, to see some kinda results after that retreat. i didnt really see anything, and then i began to doubt that something was gonna happen. but finally i think that this is the beginning of that something. i pray that God would call more people to the mission field and that a true revival would come out of young nak. and out of kcpc as well. i need to start praying for bigger things. i think i pray for small things, and not that those things dont matter, but i need to have more faith that prayer is truly powerful.

i think the last time i stretched out really well was like a year ago. i dont think i can touch my toes, how sad.

today was a great day.

had lunch and dinner w/ kevino and sol. in between we filmed a music video. kevino did a lot of stuff to make me and sol laugh like crazy. i forgot how much fun we used to have together. hope the music video turns out alright.

went to friday night bible study to find out that there was none and that they were just showing a movie instead. but that was good cuz i got to talk to a bunch of people bout their missions trips. it was so cool hearing bout all these different stories and bout how God has been working in different countries. it kinda makes me wanna go somewhere and do another missions trip.

ron brought up a good question to me, i think he kinda indirectly said this (i think he just said it in different words): i need to ask myself, "can i give everything to God while im here?" like when ppl go overseas as career missionaries, theyre submitting to God and giving their all to Him. but when were living in the states theres so much that we cling to and i wonder if i would be able to sacrifice everything to Him if i decide to stay here.

on the way back home i was listening to the song "You said." i dunno if i never really thought bout the lyrics before or what, but lately ive been paying a lot closer attention to the lyrics of all the songs ive been listening to. but theres a part in the song where it goes:

you said
ask and ill give the nations to you oh Lord,
thats the cry of my heart
distant shores and the islands will see your light
as it rises on earth

i never really wondered what that stuff means. "ask and ill give the nations to you." so is that God speaking to us or is it us speaking to God? "distand shores and the islands will see your light." does that mean im saying, "ill go far away to preach Your truth and lead them to Your light?" man, ive never been stumped by praise song lyrics before. but this is one gangsta song if thats us speaking to God. ask and ill give the nations to You. that is one really powerful line. its a crazy act of obedience and it shows a gimongous amount of faith.

whenever anyone sees my car they comment on how dirty it is and that i should wash my car. i usually respond by telling them to wash it. i usually dont care cuz my car doesnt seem THAT dirty to me, i can live w/ a lil dirt. but when i came back yesterday, my car was filthy. it was like one of those commercials where those big SUV's tear through the forest and get all muddy and nasty and it looks all rugged and manly. well, thats what my car looked like, cept it just looked nasty. i was forced to go get a car wash cuz it was so nasty. the last time i got a car wash was like 2 years ago.

its been a whole month since ive been home. went through 6 airplane flights, 4 of most well known cities in the world, 4 different subway systems, 3 different countries, a million touristy sites, and 1 great experience.

it felt weird to be driving again, but its so much better than public transportation. im kinda tired of the subways and buses and miles of walking. ive been spoiled by my car.

weather in LA is awsome. i cant believe how stankin nice it is. nothing beats home.

too many people in this world work cuz they have to pay the bills. i dont wanna be like that.
i wanna work for God. i think if i do that then i dont have to worry bout the bills cuz He will take care of it.
when i think bout career i wanna focus on God and not money.

i tried to start my missions testimony today. i failed miserably.

i remember something this morning while taking a dump.
french toilet paper is not a square, its actually a little longer (bout and inch) than american toilet paper so its actually a rectangle.

they also date their stuff differently, they put the day, month, yr. i initially thought that their method was weird, but our method is actually weirder. y dont we just go from smaller unit of time to larger instead of going in a weird order. i mean our method is kind of logical, but its still kinda weird too.

i drank a shot of water per minute, 100 total shots. i think i drank over a gallon in an hr and a half.

i think i missed home for the first time today. im in ny and enjoying it here, but i still missed home. i miss playing IM sports. cant wait til the season starts.

ive been traveling so stankin much these past few days. ive been in 4 major cities in 3 days: paris, london, new york, washington d.c. from thursday to saturday. flew from paris into london on thursday morning. stayed one night in london. flew from london to new york on friday. stayed one night in new york. took the bus to wash d.c. on saturday. so ive been in d.c. for 3 nights, gonna bus it back to new york and stay there for a week. so much stankin traveling.

my ddong has been really hard these past few days. i think its either all the traveling ive done or the heat. ny and dc weather sucks. way too humid.

im in the middle of london now. went on a boat ride that toured all the sites by the river. was nice and relaxing. but for some reason i dont wanna go back out and walk around and see the sites. i dunno why, i just feel numb. ya, dunno how else to describe the feeling.

hello again blog world. the world of blog...

i be somewhere near london right now. found me a small field and a try to lie down against. i busted out my cd player and napped for a while. i wanted to reflect on my mission trip and debrief some but i guess i just needed some sleep.

i havent been able to clear things up in my head yet. things arent really processing but i wanna sort em out but at the same time i gotta deal w/ some new decisions for the future. i should sleep some more, maybe that will help.

french keyboards have keys in different places. it sux to type here.
i think im getting the hang of it tho.