"Which brings me back to my original point: We're overthinking this whole fantasy football thing. It has evolved into a billion-dollar industry, a convoluted excuse to waste time and keep in touch with friends, one of those rare hobbies that balances competitiveness, male bonding and trash talking in the best ways possible. We kill ourselves trying to outsmart one another, and there isn't a single moment on Sundays and Mondays when we're not monitoring dozens of guys at once. But there are two hard-core realities that can't be ignored:
Reality A: There's either a 9-in-10 chance or an 11-in-12 chance that you're going to lose your league, depending how deep it is.
Reality B: Thanks to platoons, free-agent movement, injuries, unpredictable rookies, bad luck and everything else, fantasy football has turned into a freaking crapshoot.
Nowadays, anyone has a chance. Take my buddy Camp, the original commissioner of my East Coast League before he got married, had a couple of kids and stepped down. OK, we fired him for negligence. Now he's one of Those Guys in our league -- the guy who starts players during their bye weeks, waits four weeks to waive someone who's out for the year and offers crazy trades like "Wes Welker for Laurence Maroney." He's also one of the funniest owners (the master of inappropriate mom/sister jokes); he laughs at everyone else's jokes on the annual conference call; his team name is high comedy (a college joke I can't print), and his teams have the bizarre ability to remain annually competitive even though he's two to three guys short every week. The pluses always outweigh the minuses with Camper, even after you get bounced from the final playoff spot because he accidentally started a running back with a blown ACL against the guy who ended up beating you out."
"Random note No. 2: Colston being available at tight end in Yahoo/ESPN.com fantasy leagues might be the all-time fantasy glitch to end all fantasy glitches. It's like being able to use Travis Hafner at catcher. This has been the biggest story of the 2006 season that nobody covered -- they should have been leading "SportsCenter" with it."
"Disgruntled San Diego fan Dominic wonders, "Can you think of any analogies where the Martyball concept can be applied outside of football? What about folding a $500 pot when you're $5 from all-in because you're afraid someone will get you on the river? Working the machine for a walk in a batting cage? Five-hitting your way to a 19, then surrendering because the dealer is showing a face card? Landing a three-way with the Olsen twins, only to have them walk out because you fell asleep halfway through?"
always quote ;)
Q: You know that friend everyone has in college who gets embarrassingly drunk every time you go out, then declares he'll never do it again ... and then does? USA Basketball is that drunk friend.
--Josh, Baton Rouge, La.
SG: Sorry, I'm not getting wound up about FIBA anymore. The rules are too different from the NBA's. It's like sending USA baseball players to a tournament with two-foot-high mounds, neck-to-ankles strike zones and outfield walls 500 feet from home plate. You can't expect a team of randomly assembled All-Stars to come together in three weeks and succeed in a format in which they're the only ones unfamiliar with the rules. It's stupid. Any kind of basketball that makes Jose Calderon more valuable than LeBron James or Dwyane Wade is, by any calculation, idiotic. We should send the AND1 All-Stars to the 2008 Olympics in protest.
Q: When are we going to see the Little League World Series of Poker?
--David P., Philadelphia
SG: You, sir, are a genius. I would watch this every night. The unparalleled tension of the spelling bee crossed with the unabashed exploitation of the Little League World Series. I'm making this my signature series when they put me in charge of ESPN6.
3. Cincinnati, 3-0